oh well

Well well, it's been so long since I last updated, and very frankly, I really couldn't be bothered to.

I didn't have the mood to, I was going through so many things, it felt as though my life was being fucked around with. 

I thought I would've been able to sustain the fire I had in my heart to blog about whatever I wanted to in here, and express my feelings about things. But ironically enough I got hit by insecurities and couldn't bring myself to open up and let the world know what I was really thinking or feeling. 

I felt that my past few blog posts were really superficial and didn't really touch the deepest parts of the human heart - basically because I didn't want to seem vulnerable or succumb myself to any judgements and annoying anons who love to hate behind the screen. Took everything to Tumblr, because everything over there is so relatable and I felt like I didn't have to churn out a post of 600+ words just to fill up my blog space. Not sure if I've mentioned this before but I've always felt that if you were to have a personal blog, it should be lengthy to an extent....... That's just my opinion, at least. 

I won't be posting as often as I previously said I would.. because I know I can't maintain such a space given my hectic schedules and laziness. I don't even remember when's the last time I imported photos from my phone to my laptop. Not to mention my phone crashed on me the day before my birthday. I lost all my pictures :-( 

Don't get me wrong, I still do love blogging. It's just that I think I was being overly ambitious in thinking I could provide good content regularly. I don't even think anyone reads this space nowadays since I don't even update anymore!!! sobz

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I've been wondering how it was even possible to fall in love with someone within such a short period of time.. Or if it isn't love,

how could that person fill up my thoughts every night at 1am,

how that person could make me laugh or make my day with just a single "hello" or "how are you",

"I miss you" 

all that shit. 

When I was younger my mom told me not to believe in such words till I was much older - simply for the fact that this issue called love was so foreign to someone so young like me. True, you're never too young for love, but your age could deem you too weak to overcome what love has to offer. 

Perhaps I didn't fall in love, but what could this feeling be? I was so sure I would've been able to withstand all that was to greet me, I thought I could put my feelings on hold till I was able to achieve greater things

But I was wrong. 

Eventually someone was still able to seize my attention with little to no effort

He had the ability to make my day and ruin it within the next second

He made even the most ridiculously things sound real

I guess that's how bad he was. Bad enough for me to buy everything says. 

I knew I wasn't the only one on his mind. 

In fact

I bet I never actually crossed his mind at all

It was probably just a game to him and yeah he got my attention so it's game over now right? It was so easy for him to leave like that.

Because of you right now my world's a mess and I can't even fucking think straight anymore. I don't know whether to hate you or just hate myself for being so naive and thinking I could actually believe one person without getting hurt again... 

Every single conversation with you right now is fucking annoying and yet I still yearn to talk to you. I detest how we have absolutely nothing in common and nothing to talk about, yet we were able to click and enjoy each other's company in the past

I wish I had just continued to give zero shits about you like I did in the beginning so I wouldn't have to go through this crazy roller coaster ride all over again