Thursday

This actually kinda got to me a little bit. 

I'm blogging on the bus right now, on the way to Eileen's crib. This has been a roller coaster for me. My thoughts took me back and forth - In fact, they still are. 

I would say all my life I've been living under the instructions of my parents, and I didn't openly retaliate because well, I assumed they only wanted the best for me. I still believe that, but it has occurred to me that perhaps I'm still immature. 

You see, this whole year I've been telling my parents that I didn't wanna stay in J anymore because I was clear about what I wanted so I wanted to go to a polytechnic. 

That wasn't the case. 

I've been living my year based on lies. Call me self-delusional and self-deceiving, because that's what I've really been these past 10 months. I thought I really knew what I wanted, and could set my head on it for the rest of my life. Truth is, within these 10 months alone I've already changed my aspirations at least 3 times. Right now, I'm just lost in my own world, waiting for something to happen. 

That's not how it's supposed to be. I've been hurting myself all this while, thinking I knew what was best for myself when actually I was just trying to escape from the little problems and conflicts I had in school. Not gonna elaborate on it but basically, I let my emotions run my life. 

I was wrong. 

I shouldn't have done that. Have you ever felt as though everything's just wrong? And that your life in itself was a mistake? Sometimes I wonder why I was born in the first place, and then I realised. 

Your parents bore you with the hopes that you'd grow up to be a useful person to society and also eventually take care of them. They want you to be someone who could take care of yourself and make responsible choices. And that's something I've never been all this while. 

Perhaps this is one step towards truly growing up. 

I'm thankful for whatever has happened though, feels like 2010 all over again. Really helped to wake me up a little bit. Thanks mom & dad, I really needed all that drama. Without it I think I would've continued being a brat, thinking I really knew what I was doing. 

That aside, OP is finally over!!!! Thank god. It went really well in my opinion. Why? Because I didn't screw Q&A up. During the whole course of preparation, I was worried sick about Q&A rather than the presentation in itself. Memory work is one thing, but you have your cue cards to help you in the care of an emergency mind block. For Q&A, you're just left on the edge on your own, not knowing which question you'd be given. And if you can't answer it.. 

You're dead. 

Thankfully, the question I was given was one that I had prepared for the day before. A blessing maybe? Haha. 

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Right now I'm blogging whilst going home. Just had a good H2H chat with Eileen! Realised how much I have changed this past year and how everyone's lives have changed as well. I guess the world keeps spinning right? 

Had a good meal and now I'm so full. Gonna e x p l o d e!!! Sigh why do I eat so much sometimes. HAHA anyway so yup I guess that's all for now! 

Just a pic of my neighbourhood hehe